I briefly mentioned yesterday that after looking forward to exhibiting in Edinburgh in May, I suddenly developed a hideous bout of ‘excusitis!’ An irritating rash of seemingly plausible reasons as to why showing my art was a terrible idea started to pus out of my mind like putrid, fetid, stinking boils. I had it bad, ‘excusitis extremis’ – inventing obstacles, magnifying challenges! Fear is a terrible waste of creative energy. It’s like flushing your best self down the lavvy pan! Why do we do it to ourselves?
Recalibrating back to excitement took a few weeks and a bit self honesty. I realised that the exhibition felt like having an enormous pile of washing up in front of me that I didn’t want to do simply because it was hard work! However, like the washing up it didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to do it! The analogy made me realise I was tired. ‘Excusitis extremis’ had developed by being a bit run down and now I was running myself down too. WTF! Time for self care. Time for new energy, new thoughts…
A phrase I have heard someone use a lot is ‘It is what it is!’ Her words started to play in my mind – a philosophy of acceptance. The path of least resistance. Just accept. It is what it is, you’re tired. It is what it is, you’re a bit fearful. It is what it is, an exhibition. It is what it is, Edinburgh. It is what it is, a chance to see people, It is what it is, a fun challenge. It is what it is, oh wow I feel excited again…
I’m enjoying painting simply for enjoying the next two months of creativity. The art will be what it is. Current work in progress is a series of small bird paintings. Beloved birds on bare winter branches.
Over the past couple of weeks people have started to come back into my life too. It turns out that it’s not just me who has been a hermit, found life weird and lost their way a bit. It’s not just me that has been missing people, people have missed me too! Laughter and joy by simply being together again.
Last night, I went to sleep early. I woke started by a noise. There was someone at the door. What time was it?
I hadn’t seen Colin in years, I bought my house from him, his dog is buried in my garden. He said he was lost and had come to visit his dog’s tree. We had a cuppa and a laugh.
He said ‘I wish it was the eighties again – easy and fun.’
I said ‘Yes, when we all partied, danced a lot and dressed up like poseurs and weirdos! It was fun!’
I invited him to my exhibition.
When is the last time you were invited to a party I asked?
‘Years!’ was his reply.
It is what it is… an exhibition, a party, an event in central Edinburgh and it’s going to be fun, it’s going to be Wild.
I can’t wait to see folk!
Love Kirsten
