Decoding that thing – Art Speak

An artist – Someone who likes playing by themselves 

A painting – a thing to look at

A painter  – Someone who attempts to make things from other things, like paper and runny coloured liquid, to make boring walls less boring 

A figurative painting – a thing of another thing 

An abstract painting  – a thing

Impressionism – a bit of a blurry thing

Expressionism – a bit of a messy thing

Abstract Expressionism – messy

Tight drawing – I think you need to loosen up a bit, love!

Life Drawing – clothed people drawing a naked person but thinking as though the person was a thing such as a bowl of fruit

Equestrian Artist – someone who loves horses more than anything

Experimental Artist – actually I know what chucking paint at a canvas will do, but an experimental artist sounds like an exciting and cool thing to be

The Design – where the paint landed on this thing

Mixed Media – I used lots of different things to make this thing

Landscape – a long rectanglular thing

Portrait – an upright rectanglular thing

Square – a thing favoured by abstract artists who generally don’t see themselves as square

Canvas – a bit of cloth wrapped around some wood

Panel – some flattened wood

Collage – I can’t be bothered to draw or paint so will do some glueing 

Values – Fifty shades of grey not the price 

Checking composition – squinting 

Mark making – messing up a pristine white thing

Texture – lumpy, bumpy things in the painting 

Paintbrush- a magical hairy wand to dip into paint

Paint – one of life’s treasures 

Pigment – coloured dust added to medium

Medium – a vehicle for pigment not a psychic

Acrylic paint – coloured glue

Oil Paint – smelly toxic stuff, addictive!

Clothes – things to ruin with paint 

Work in progress – I have no idea how to finish this thing 


I think this thing is finished and possibly utterly brilliant, maybe even a masterpiece by an unrecognised genius, but then again it might be shit, so I’ll just say that its work in progress (wip)

Feedback – My delicate artists soul is now tortured by this thing I have been struggling with and I don’t know what else to do – please say you like it!

Interesting – bugger, they don’t like it!

Is it for sale? – Yay! they do like it!

Sold – Wow, they loved it! Maybe I am not a shit painter after all! 

Image – Oh Dear What Can the Matter Be – from my Dusting my Whimsies series

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